Lesser Mummy's Sarcophagus

Behold, a genuine Lesser Mummy's Sarcophagus - perfect for the discerning collector who wants the authentic necropolis experience without the premium price tag of a Pharaoh's resting place.

For Those Who Appreciate Ancient Craftsmanship on a Budget.

Product Features:

Hand-painted hieroglyphics (translation available upon request) (actually, better if you don't request)

Artisan-crafted distressed finish (age-appropriate weathering) (some bloodstains original)

Size: Ideal for dice storage, jewelry, or containing minor curses

Interior lined with ancient linen (sanitized) (mostly)

Authentic burial chamber aroma (fades after 4-6 weeks) (usually)

Specifications:

Accommodated a lesser bureaucrat, possibly a scribe (records unclear)

Circa 15th Dynasty (give or take a millennium)

Original occupant: Departed (verified) (we think) (please verify)

Curse level: Minor to moderate

Whispering in ancient tongue: Intermittent, 

What Makes It "Lesser"?

Our Lesser Mummy's Sarcophagus comes from middle-management tier undead - think deputy assistants to the regional grain counter. While they may lack a Pharaoh's grandeur, they make up for it with:

Grudges held for over 3,000 years (commitment!)

Affordable entry point into funerary collecting

Curses that affect mostly small inconveniences (lost keys, spoiled milk, sense of unease)

Reanimation incidents: Has a clean CARFAX report

Care Instructions:

• Store in cool, dry place away from full moons
• Do not open at midnight (or do, we're not your supervisor)
• If lid opens on its own, simply close firmly and ignore scratching
• Light sand seepage is normal and not a portal
• Chanting sounds indicate proper acoustic resonance

Von Grundle's Personal Notes:

"Acquired this beauty from an estate sale in Memphis (the original one, not Tennessee). Previous owner claimed 'nothing unusual happened' which is technically true if you don't count Tuesdays. Makes a delightful conversation piece, and the occasional appearance of bandaged hands reaching from within adds character to any gaming den."